Q When we have department-head meetings, one particular department head always takes shots at me. He does not make direct comments about my work, but he implies that I have failed. He is friendly enough between meetings, but that ends when the meetings start. How should I deal with him?
A You need to deal head-on with a department head who uses these meetings as a launching pad for insults at you. His indirect style is nothing more than passive-aggressive behavior, and his intent is to build himself at your expense.
His behavior should be handled both reactively and proactively. When he makes these types of comments in meetings, you need to react, but without becoming defensive or upset. A better approach is Socratic. When he launches his verbal insults, ask him specific questions about his assertions, especially questions that start with "when," "where," "how" and "why." Be sure to focus on the facts, and not on him.
On a proactive basis, you should consider communicating with him prior to these meetings to see if he has any issues or concerns to address in advance. If he says there are no issues but then goes on the attack during a meeting, simply ask him why he did not bring up such points
Q My manager sends me e-mails several times a day, and he is usually seeking information on the status of projects or on problems that have arisen. I write thorough answers to his questions, but his responses indicate that he doesn't read what I send.
Instead, he just gets upset with me. What should I do?
A For communication to be truly effective, it should be a two-way process. And for managers to be truly effective, they should know this. By ignoring your responses to his e-mail, your manager is simultaneously wasting time, interfering with productivity, and generating dissatisfaction and stress.
If he is not satisfied with your communication for any reason, he should discuss his concerns with you, provide some coaching if necessary, and establish clearer guidelines regarding his expectations. His tendency to become upset with you underscores his ineffectiveness.
At the same time, it will be helpful for you to take a look at your "thorough" answers to his questions. Perhaps you have been writing more than the questions warrant, and that has been preventing your manager from carefully reading your responses. As in many aspects of communication, especially in the case of e-mail, brevity is a virtue.
Finally, you should consider making a phone call or personal visit to clarify your answers to your manager. In fact, such communication is useful not only in clarifying your answers, but also in clarifying his questions in the first place.
Q When I walk into my manager's office, he stands up. I know this is polite, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. He rarely sits down when I am there, and this cuts our conversations short. I don't think I should just take a seat, but maybe then he would get the hint. What do you think?
A Although you may want to give him a hint, it is possible that he is trying to give you a hint. Many managers know that one way to keep employee visits brief is to stand up when an employee enters the office.
In addition to looking at him, you should take a look at yourself. Have you fallen into a habit of showing up at your manager's office just for a friendly visit, rather than to discuss larger work-related matters? While friendly visits are important and should be encouraged, there can be too much of a good thing. Perhaps your manager is subtly telling you that it is time to reduce these types of visits.
At the same time, if your manager is consistently cutting your conversations short or refusing to engage in a real dialogue with you, that is a real problem. There is one key question that can help determine what is happening here. When you enter his office, simply ask, "Is this a good time to talk?" If he says, "Yes," you should sit down and talk. And if he says, "No," you should ask, "When is a better time to meet?" This approach shows your respect for his time, while still setting a time for the two of you to sit down and talk.
Ken Lloyd is an Encino-based management consultant, coach and author who specializes in organizational behavior. He is the author of "Jerks at Work: How to Deal With People Problems and Problem People." Write to him at lloydonjob@gmail.com.
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